allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
third nipple confirmed
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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