: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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