I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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