Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Randomize
