if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Randomize
