: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
