I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Randomize
