not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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