girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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