I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
