OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
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