Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
