its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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