Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
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