I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
