K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
