"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
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Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
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A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
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