11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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