do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
