a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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