I am spending my child support on dildos
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
