my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
