just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
