Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
