I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
