So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Randomize
