My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
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