he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Randomize
