How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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