she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
