dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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