trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Pants are for mortals
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Randomize
