Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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