Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Randomize
