to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
