Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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