Where is the hickey?
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
