I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
