so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
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It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
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yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches