So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
