He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
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you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
either way he was missing a nipple.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
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Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder