Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(440): View more from Ohio

wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant

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(440): wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant http://tfl.nu/01g1

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(480): View more from Arizona

A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.

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(480): A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card. http://tfl.nu/fah6

Replies (47) Good night (5248) Bad night (1114)
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(704): View more from North Carolina

I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is

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(704 ): I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is http://tfl.nu/z1kt

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(864): View more from South Carolina

i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own

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(864): i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own http://tfl.nu/koat

Replies (13) Good night (771) Bad night (4094)
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(510): View more from California

He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.

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(510): He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again. http://tfl.nu/1fxb

Replies (27) Good night (1360) Bad night (7792)
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(304): View more from West Virginia

He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.

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(304): He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated. http://tfl.nu/okg6

Replies (8) Good night (3346) Bad night (1417)
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(248): View more from Michigan

So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in

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(248): So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in http://tfl.nu/mvwo

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(510): View more from California

I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college

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(510): I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college http://tfl.nu/imp1

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(407): View more from Florida

I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.

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(407): I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight. http://tfl.nu/a28b

Replies (9) Good night (3098) Bad night (1021)
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(201): View more from New Jersey

I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel

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(201): I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel http://tfl.nu/tjoe

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(260): View more from Indiana

People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them

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(260): People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them http://tfl.nu/5lb9

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(734): View more from Michigan

Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....

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(734): Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters..... http://tfl.nu/8dbk

Replies (5) Good night (1943) Bad night (804)
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(732): View more from New Jersey

I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.

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(732): I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that. http://tfl.nu/uw0f

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(213): View more from California

2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.

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(213): 2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here. http://tfl.nu/53p6

Replies (3) Good night (1074) Bad night (461)
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(479): View more from Arkansas

Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!

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(479): Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating! http://tfl.nu/g8qn

Replies (0) Good night (459) Bad night (305)

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