I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.