I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage