K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you