There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.