I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Small penises have feelings too.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.