the condom got lost in my hair
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
