Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
