1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
