yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
