I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
