P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
