At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
oh god was she eating orange peels again
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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