what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
