Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
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