I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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