I can text with my tongue
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
