Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
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