it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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