at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
