she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
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