Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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