as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
