Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
