so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Randomize