there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
