I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
