oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
COCAINE IS GR8
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Randomize
