You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Randomize
