the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
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my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
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His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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