Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
