i think my tv is drunk
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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