Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
