I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
