it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
