Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
