And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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