what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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