I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
23 Absolutely Despicable Things That People Have Actually Done
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
25 Disturbing Facts That Will Make You Question Everything
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much