My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
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