can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
