Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?