What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst