just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
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