Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
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