i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
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