Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
