She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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